Alessia Korvessis | The Chronicle
“As he should” is a phrase I commonly see used when addressing guys in a relationship. Whether it’s paying for dinner or buying a $200 necklace, the endless list of requirements keeps building. When did going above and beyond become the expected?
Recently, the bar for where “bare minimum” is has been raised significantly for boys. This is due to many things, like traditional gender roles and increased feminism, but I think it is mostly due to social media. Many relationships are now posted online, and we are able to see what other couples do and act like, which can cause comparison with what we do with our own. Wanting to “top” or “do better” than other couples is an ominous pressure in the back of many’s minds, therefore creating this pressure for one side to pull all the weight. Instead of asking, “are we happy together?” People begin to ask “why didn’t they do that for me?” Many young people with no actual dating experience begin to build their perception of relationships off an online standard and not what they think personally.
This doesn’t mean that basic standards or preferences should be erased. The real problem is when it gets to a point where unreachable standards are created and entitlement takes over. “As he should” should be in reference to loyalty, respecting boundaries and being respectful, not automatically expecting expensive gifts frequently or going above and beyond in any area.
This doesn’t only go for boys, but also girls. It just happens in different ways. Girls who have to pull all the weight or don’t stand up for themselves are often considered to be “birds,” a term used online. While in some situations guys are expected to do everything, in others girls have to go above and beyond just to get them to stay in the relationship.
So many people in our generation have trouble finding healthy relationships for a multitude of reasons, but I find that a lot of them are caused by a lack of respect (from both parties). At the end of the day, relationships should not be one sided, no matter the circumstance. Both should be putting in effort and care and, most importantly, communicating with each other to find a happy medium.
Ultimately, I think one of the biggest issues our generation faces when it comes to relationships is that we have become so focused on what our partner should be doing for us that we often forget to ask what we are contributing ourselves. Relationships shouldn’t be transactions, they should be equal, fair and appreciative of each other.
