Find the joy in being uncomfortable

Aybika Kamil | The Chronicle

Since the dawn of time, humans have stuck together. From the hunters to the gatherers to the builders of civilization, there has always been a dependency on others for survival. Some may say it is not so different now. We have all seen the stereotypical cliques that exist in institutions like our school and even the workplace. We cannot really blame anyone for this as it is just natural. The official term is “homophily,” a Greek word meaning “love of sameness.” With this in mind, purposefully acting against this instinct can be uncomfortable and difficult, which is why I was so surprised to see the solo date trend on social media. Many young adults have started participating in this trend as a form of exposure therapy and a way to appreciate solitude. Commenters on these videos discussed the stress of being alone in establishments that they would normally visit with a group. “I love this!” commented TikTok user Annesia (@iamannesia) on a video giving tips about going on solo dates. “I used to be anxious doing things by myself, but once you realize no one is paying attention to you, it makes it a lot less scary!” As a young adult in a generation that is so connected online and plugged in and hyper-aware of everything, the concept of essentially “hanging out with myself” almost seemed healing. It sounded like it could be a vacation for my social battery that is constantly being charged, used, recharged and reused. I believe there is a fundamental misconception in our society: that people who are perceived as being alone should be pitied. As someone who catches herself doing this a lot, anyone who reads this column has every right to call me a hypocrite. I often catch myself feeling strong empathy towards those whom I perceive to be lonely– especially the elderly. My mind immediately jumps to thoughts like, “I feel so bad for that poor grandpa eating all by himself.” But maybe the grandpa I saw the other day at the coffee shop was genuinely there to enjoy a treat in joyous solitude. Who are we to determine whether someone is happy or not based solely on first glance? The truth is that there is rich growth and self-actualization behind taking pleasure in being alone. Multiple studies have argued that the benefits of solitude include increased confidence, a strong sense of self-identity and even improved mental health. Solo dates should be an endeavor that everyone partakes in at least once– especially in times such as now, with global conflicts and academic pressure. It is a way to disconnect just for a bit. Now, I am not saying to be a loner and isolate yourself from your community. As mentioned before, community is a natural and necessary part of the human race. There is strength and incredible power in uniting people. However, there is also value in being alone. Sometimes, it is easy for people to lose themselves in their desire for social validation, especially in groups. This could ultimately endanger our sense of self, our culture and our goals. There is a difference in choosing to enjoy others’ presence versus fearing being without a group. So the next time I want to reach for my phone to check what plans are being made in the group chat, maybe I will consider a solo date–instead of reaching out, I will reach within. I may tap into the discomfort of exploring a hidden gem of an antique store all by myself, letting my curiosity lead me instead of my company. I could sit down and enjoy my chocolate croissant and steaming coffee at a cafe like that elderly man had done. Yes, it will probably be a little awkward at first. I might squirm in my seat and take quick glances around, worried about how I may appear. But soon, as the awkwardness fades, something empowering emerges. When solitude is chosen, it is a power. It is when the stage lights dim and the curtains close. The performance is over. The audience has left. You are the only person who remains– still, quiet and authentically you. And you will come to love that. You will come to love you.